Flights of Fancy Mom

I'm a mom with dreams.  I want to live my life with no boundaries.  One day at a time.

Help Get Me Back into the Dating World in My 40’s

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I’ve been divorced going on 12 years now. Separated 12 1/2 years. My daughter was 3 1/2 and I was 31.

Since then, I’ve dated some. Had one relationship last almost a year and then dated some more.  To be honest?  I haven’t had a date in quite awhile. At first it was due to me getting laid off from my job and trying to start a freelance business. I didn’t feel I had anything to bring to the table. Then it was because I had gained all of my weight back, plus some. I wasn’t happy with myself, so how could I be happy trying to be with someone else? Now? Well, it’s various reasons. One, I moved to a new city and I don’t know anyone.  Two, I’m still trying to find me. I don’t know what I want out of life, so how do I expect to know what I want in a man?

I wonder if the truth could be something quite different. Could I be too set in my ways? I can’t stand not having my time to myself. I don’t like having to explain myself to anyone, why would I want to get into a relationship where I would feel the need to do so? I mean, it has been TWELVE years since I’ve lived with another person other than my daughter. And for the most part, she’s not too demanding.  I do things I want, or I don’t do anything at all.

With all that said, while I know I can survive on my own. I can support myself and my daughter. I am a very independent woman. I can honestly say, I miss the companionship. I have friends and family that I can talk to and share things with. And I do all that! But, I miss having someone at home who cares about how my day went. We all know how teens are. They don’t give a hoot. I talk some to my daughter and her eyes glaze over. I miss having someone I can witch to, and know they are honestly listening. I want to have someone there that I can share my dreams with. Someone who will share my “flights of fancy” with. Someone who would keep me grounded while letting me soar. Someone to have a coffee or a drink with. Someone to rub or scratch my back when I need it.

I’d love to have someone back in my life who feels the same way. Someone who wants to talk about their day. Someone to complain to. Someone who wants someone to share their dreams with. Someone to share a Saturday morning at the local coffee shop with, or a Friday night out dancing.

But, they would have to be independent enough to know I’m not pushing them away when I don’t want to be attached to them 24/7.  That we can merge our lives together, but still have our own interests.

Am I asking too much?

Heck, it’s been so long since I’ve dated, I don’t even know HOW to date lol. How does a woman date in her 40’s? Unfortunately, this isn’t a how to blog post. Because, well… I’m not dating! So, I can’t give tips! I’d actually love to hear others thoughts about how to get back into dating after being single for so long! Please share your thoughts, ideas and tips with me. Help me get myself back out there!

25 Comments

  1. Chris Lewis

    Good luck getting back into the dating world. I have not been in this for a long time and know that it is not easy, but it is worth it to be able to make the connections with others. Good luck!!
    Chris Lewis recently posted…Win A New PC Powered By Intel For You And A Friend!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jacqui (Post author)

      Thank you!

      Reply
  2. Alli

    I became my BFF’s dating coach when she hit 50. She had been divorced for years and we finally talked her into joining an online dating site. I blogged about it, of course! “We” said next several times before she finally found Mr. Right. They are now happily married. Good luck!

    Reply
    1. Jacqui (Post author)

      That’s great! I keep going back and forth on dating sites. I had a couple dates from Match I think? And it was definitely an interesting experience!

      Reply
  3. Robin Masshole Mommy

    I am divorced from my kids dad and got remarried a few years later. He is an amazing step dad, so there is definitely the right person out there for everyone.

    Reply
    1. Jacqui (Post author)

      That’s awesome! I know that I have a “type”, but I think I have to stop being so picky lol.

      Reply
  4. Polarbelle

    I have no advice. None. So when you get some and put it into use, then you can write about all the how.s with an expert viewpoint.
    Polarbelle recently posted…Osmosis Colour Pressed Base Mineral Foundation and Curling Mascara – My Reviews…and MoreMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jacqui (Post author)

      I’m looking forward to that day!

      Reply
  5. Dee

    I believe in find the person for you is in the journey of finding yourself and being comfortable in your singleness. I am not saying don’t date, but from what I have witness most people meet that “person” when they actually stop looking.

    Reply
  6. candy

    I have no advice to offer because I have been married for 35 years. Seeing some of the struggles friends have went through glad I don’t have to date. Know there are dating sites and one friend found her soul mate after going back to church.

    Reply
  7. Laura Lee Carter

    If you’d like my opinion, as a woman who finally found the love of my life at age 49 (I’m now 61) you need to make love your highest priority without doubt or fear. That’s what I did. Heck, I even started my own dating service because I didn’t trust the Internet!

    Please consider reading my book: How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom. You have changed so much since your last marriage. You will select differently now. You must trust yourself and your ability to attract more of what you want now. Don’t you think there’s lots of men just like you who want to maintain their own independence, while sharing a loving relationship?

    Reply
  8. ricci

    Dating in the digital age is HARD! I am early 30’s and it is so hard to get out there and meet people!!

    Reply
  9. lisa

    I can’t imagine how hard it is to date now. It was hard when I was a single mom in my late 20s. But good luck! I’m sure Mr Right is out there!!!

    Reply
  10. Pam

    I have heard that it’s like a whole different world when you’re dating in your 40s! My friend got back into the dating world a few years ago. She’s landed a great guy now, so good luck! Just be yourself!

    Reply
  11. Jenn @ EngineerMommy

    It’s important to get out there and try to actively find someone. I have a number of friends who have had positive experiences on dating websites. Of course, it’s important to be smart when trying to meet someone online. Good luck!

    Reply
  12. Bella

    I imagine it would be a bizarre feeling getting back into dating at your age but what does age have to do with anything? Go out and have a great time, you never know who you will meet.

    Reply
  13. rika

    It may be fun to start dating again, maybe not for a serious commitment. I think you should give it a try and meet new people.

    Reply
  14. Lisa Favre

    I can only imagine how hard it is to get back into the dating game. I’m a firm believer that it’s all about timing… best of luck to you!
    Lisa Favre recently posted…Our Maternity Photo Shoot with Lira PhotographyMy Profile

    Reply
  15. Lori Vachon

    Getting back into the world of dating is quite terrifying, no doubt about it. I was back out there at 34 after 13 yrs of marriage, it is possible trust me!

    Reply
  16. Anosa

    Nope you’re not asking to much at all. I was in a relationship for ten years and got set in my ways never married and now I am finding it hard to get back into the dating game because I have become too independent lol but miss the companion still
    Anosa recently posted…Five Things week 8My Profile

    Reply
  17. Garf

    I have no advice to offer because I am not so good at dating in the first place. I have been married for almost twelve years and my first too.
    Garf recently posted…Environmentally Responsible Industry-Leading CompaniesMy Profile

    Reply
  18. LaShawn

    Good luck! I can imagine that getting back into the dating world is terrifying! But it happens every day!

    Reply
  19. Nikka Shae

    I’m sure dating now is hard’! Good luck on
    your search on finding love.
    Nikka Shae recently posted…Metro Diner: A Meal That Tastes Just Like HomeMy Profile

    Reply
  20. Jasmine Watts

    I’ve only advice to offer is ‘Just be yourself’! Wish you Good luck for getting back into the dating world.

    Reply
  21. John Marshal

    Dating someone is very hard. It may disturb your personal life, your kids. But on the other hand living alone is also very difficult. May you find it soon. Best of luck. Anastasia Date

    Reply

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